Family Support And Discussion

How to hold a family meeting to reach a decision in caring for a loved one together

1. Who Should Attend
   Involve immediate family members or close relatives whom your loved one is comfortable with, and who are part of the caregiving team. It may be helpful to include help of an external facilitator such as a social worker, who can provide a neutral, objective and less-emotional opinion when needed and to help communicate difficult topics.
2. Where and How to Begin
   Do not let distance deter family conversations. It can be a physical or a virtual meeting where the people involved are comfortable at. Arrange a suitable date and time, and plan an agenda ahead of time. A simple agenda can be on latest medical report from the doctor, treatments options, medication intake for loved one, daily caregiving needs, financial concerns and list of tasks to be done. Allocate duration for each agenda items.
3. During the Meeting
   A successful meeting allows the people involved to be heard. This is where they are more open to voice out their true feelings e.g. the son may share that he is unable to endure seeing a loved one sick or the daughter who does not know how to accept help. It is important to explore solutions even when there may be disagreements or conflicts among family members. Remember to document discussion notes so that everyone are on the same page and reminded on what have been discussed.
4. Foresee Potential Challenges
   Every family has a history of how each family member behaves and reacts, or the role each person plays and feels towards the loved one who is ill. While family meetings can be effective for an open discussion, they may not solve all issues at once or reduce any old hard feelings. It takes two hands to clap. Strong conflicting concerns may require a need of a mediator, who helps both parties to reach their own agreement amicably while trying to improve communication between them. Remember that the focus is to be united as one caregiving team for your loved one.
5. Having a Win-Win Situation
   We need to respect each family member’s individuality and strength to create an environment where we can accept the situation or issue, and allow room for open discussion and problem-solving. An example may be that the daughter’s strength is in cooking, and she is able to prepare home-cooked meals for the loved one after work on weekdays and even weekends, while the son is self-employed and owns a car so he can make time to bring the father for medical appointments during the weekdays. Another factor is compromising – ‘give and take’. Be willing to be open to changes and alternatives when help is provided. If a black-and-white agreement works for you, pen it down as a reminder to all who attend the meeting.